My coworker Allison and I were talking about astrology, birthdays and celebrations. I said I normally love throwing myself birthday parties but I’d really been struggling with planning something this year. It always feels very self-centered/indulgent and this year that feels kind of icky. BUT I never want to be the center of attention on my birthday, I just want many of the people I love in one place. Very lowkey plans have been made and I know it’ll be great - because some of my people will be together.
I had been thinking about the center of attention aspect to celebrating or even acknowledging one’s own birthday lately. Anis Mojgani was speaking with his friend Jen about singing Happy Birthday to him in front of the crowd gathered to hear him read poetry last Sunday night. He said it seemed self centering. I laughed. Nothing makes me want to vanish from a room more than people singing happy birthday to me. And nothing makes me happier than when all of my friends from the different parts of my life are together, enjoying each other and absolutely glowing. I was born and now we’re all together and that is amazing.
If the average human sees approximately 3,000,000 faces over the course of their lives, and interacts with between 10,000 and 80,000 people in their lives but only has 400 or so friends and of those, only 3 to 5 of those are long lasting friendships, it seems worth celebrating the wonderful mystery that brings people together. It also seems important to acknowledge that this last (every) rotation around the sun was not easy and surviving feels like something worth noting.
In the Anthropocene Reviewed, John Green writes about his dead friend, writer Amy Krouse Rosenthal. Before she died of cancer, she wrote the amazing Modern Love essay “You May Want to Marry My Husband,”as well as other really good books, helped John Green down the path to being a published writer, and she threw amazing events where magical experiences were had. At some of those events, Amy had everyone sing Auld Lang Syne - a version popular with WW1 British soldiers. “We’re here because we’re here because we’re here because we’re here.” Darkly sarcastic but Amy interpreted it is as a declaration of presence, and about the value of human connection.
I was born. A lot had to happen for that to happen. And then one by one, I started to see faces, interact with people, make friends, have a few long term friends… I no longer interact with some people who were once my friends because, life. They are still my friends in my mind. I’ll love them forever. Because I wouldn’t have gotten to this point without every single one of those people and isn’t that kind of miraculous? And we just keep meeting people, finding new people to love. Thank fucking god for all of it.
That’s ultimately why I decided to plan something for this year despite the big sad and the bad being unrelenting. Sometimes we need to intentionally create opportunities for joy and sweetness. My birthday seems like a perfect excuse to conjure some joy, and hopefully leave everyone with some sweetness to savor. I realize that that’s always been my birthday motivation — but this year it feels more important, and not just because of my big age. We‘re here because we’re here.